The Weekend Liquidation
Why your $100M Series C just got "vibecoded" by a kid in his pajamas
I had a “friend” dropped by yesterday morning. Well, I say friend; he’s the kind of person who thinks wearing a gilet makes him an outdoorsman and who still uses the word “synergy” without irony. He’s just back from RSAC 2026 in San Francisco, smelling of stale sourdough and unearned confidence.
He spent about an hour showing me glossy brochures for “Autonomous Governance Engines” and “AI-Driven Threat Orchestrators.” He was practically vibrating with the “Power of Community.” I, on the other hand, was mainly vibrating with the need for a double scotch and some fresh air.
“It’s a revolution, mate!” he chirped, pointing at a booth photo of a well established vendor. “This platform automates the entire CISO workflow!”
I looked at it for three seconds before I realized the punchline.
“That’s not a revolution,” I told him. “That’s a weekend’s work for a bored teenager with an LLM and a ‘vibe’.”
See, that’s the dirty little secret of the Moscone Center this year. Most of these “groundbreaking” functionalities - the ones with the $100M Series C valuations and the booths that cost more than a council flat - are cooked.
My friend hadn't seen the Vibecoded VC’s “Cooked” list yet, but I had. It’s essentially a digital graveyard of 'revolutionary' features that can now be rebuilt by a kid in his pajamas before Sunday night football.
If your $100M 'proprietary moat' can be crossed by someone saying, "Act as a senior security engineer and write a Python wrapper for these three API calls," then you don't have a moat. You have a puddle. And according to the guys at Vibecoded, the kitchen is getting very crowded and everyone is, well... cooked.
It’s the ultimate lottery ticket scam. My friend is convinced he’s seen the future of “Agentic Security,” but all he’s really seen is a bunch of fancy skins on the same three models we’ve all been using for months. It’s all “vibes” and no substance.
If you want something that actually stands a chance against a machine-speed adversary, you don’t need more “wrappers.” You need something that fundamentally breaks the game. Something like Phoenix. You can’t “vibecode” a way to hit a target that isn’t where you thought it was five seconds ago. You can’t prompt your way out of infrastructure that’s mutating under your feet.
But hey, don’t let me ruin the party. My friend’s off to another “influencer dinner” to talk about “Shadow Agents.” I’m staying here to try and get the smell of “disruption” out of the curtains.
The industry isn’t just changing; it’s being liquidated over a long weekend. And frankly, it couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of people.